And then there was… Nothing

There are many alternate roads into the future. Many people spend their lives worrying about the what’s and if’s, others bull rush ahead and stand surprised first when they cross the finish line and find life wanting of a first prize.

I’ve always considered myself somewhere inbetween – hopeful, gambling on a deep plunge to eventually lead me to a possibly positive outcome, but more than ready for alternative and more dreary results.

But I honestly must say I wasn’t expecting this.

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The news was all over the place. “Big Fire at Nedre Foss Gård”, “Pictures before and after”, Nedre Foss Gård is Burning”…

And it was. The physical evidence was there – clear to the eye – as we stood and watched cold, confused, but above all disbelieving. Not as to the fact that the building was burning. That was plain to see. Rather it was a gathered, collective bewilderment as to what this actually meant for us. What we would be. What our value would be without our restaurant to define us.

What was left.

It may sound overly dramatic. It was after all just a restaurant. It was after all just a building.

But in order to be a good chef or waiter you have to let yourself be defined by your work. If home is where you spend the majority of your waking hours then your official residence is nothing but a convenient hotel that you check into every evening to get some rest.

Home is where the drama happens, where friendships and relationships are forged. Where every evening is a new, carefully planned out battle and where every possible outcome will be lamented and analyzed in the dark holes of the local drinking establishments later in the night.

We will find ourselves. Right now we are like the spokes around a missing hub, but we will find ourselves.

And even without the hub, the wheel turns…

I Know We Haven’t Spoken In A While

These past few months…

I hardly care to recall. Nothing dramatic, nothing traumatic. Just your regular restaurant opening with all that that entails.

17 hour shifts, tightly strung nerves, untrained waiters let wild into a fully booked restaurant, middle management turning out to be one service away from cooking a hare on a stove, chefs with well developed ADHD and god knows what other letter combinations and of course an average of over 200 guests a day.

I have never felt as inept as I have these past months. I know very well what my weaknesses are, and I am fairly certain about my strengths. But what good are they when you are facing an army ten times the size of your own and you are only equiped with the newest recruits?

And yet, maybe the odds are what makes the job so enticing? If I’m not sacked in the nearest future maybe I’ll find out…

First Light

The first dawn of the rest of my life crept up quietly to dominate the sky as I slept away the flight to London Heathrow. Then a few hours calm, grey drizzle gave way to the blinding sunlight of Marseille, bathing the city as well as myself in sunlight and forcing me to revert my eyes from the run-down beauty. A short train-ride to Montpellier plunged me into darkness again, and as I now sip my café au’lait and punch keys at a local café it is what must be the first true light that carefully peeks over the adjacent roof-top to sting at my eyes.

It’s bleak yes, but it brings with it promise of a new era, an era of new idiotic schemes and complications, of challenges and failures.

My old life was fantastic! May it be gone for good!

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Say It With A Sign

There is a simpler way.

We rush and stress and worry about not finding the right paths, about not being able to make it on time, about disappointing everyone or even worse – disappointing ourselves and our own ambition.

There is a way past all this fret, a solution if you will, that has been staring us in the face since before we posed the problem.

The French have figured it out. The way to absolution, to peace of mind lies in knowing that wherever you are in your life all roads, all paths, all directions lie before you. Robert Frosts dilemma is multiplied infinitely and therefor made null and void. One can never choose the right path or make the right choice if the options are infinite, yet neither can one choose the wrong one, for out of those infinite paths one may emerge that nullifies the “correct choice”.

 

The Idiot Savant

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Among the wealthier classes, idiocy is not only oftener aggravated by accessory diseases, but also complicated with abnormal semi-capacities or disordered instincts, which produce heterogeneous types to an almost unlimited extent. It is from this class, almost exclusively, that we have musical, mathematical, architectural, and other varieties of the idiot savant; the useless protrusion of a single faculty, accompanied by a woeful general impotence…

-Edouard Séguin 1870